you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
