I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
