id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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