Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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