Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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