Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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