when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
