just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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