a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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