hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
