I can tuck mytits in my pants
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
