we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize