Ambien. No doubt about it.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
