Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
