did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
