You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
