Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
