He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It's no shave November. This is our time.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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