you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Why can't burritos get me drunk
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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