I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
