She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
