I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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