It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
