Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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