Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize