hotel room ftw
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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