I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
