i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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