i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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