I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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