how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
