I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
