Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
