Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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