I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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