Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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