Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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