you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You can't just leave with hair like that
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
