Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
