Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
