get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She's the barista slut.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
