she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
