Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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