...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
