It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
