hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
