Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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