A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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