no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize