: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
