I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
