Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
