This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
As shirtless as possible
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
