It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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