I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
