The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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