Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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