My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
