My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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