After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
