i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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