Betty ford says i'm here all night
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
