Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
