Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
