I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
