I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize