I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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