dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
