That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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