my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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