Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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