we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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