My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
