Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
