well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
