whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
