I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
