Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The feeling are messing with the penis
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
