I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
