this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
