Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
