we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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