hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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