he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
