guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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