Whod you bang
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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