if i can run in heels then i can drive
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
