I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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