I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
can u get pink eye on your cock?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
