I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
