well I can't set my house on fire every night
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
