I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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