So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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