YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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