i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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