I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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