I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
