Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
