she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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