i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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