why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
