Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
