i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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