He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
